New Year Same Me (Kind of)

Growing up, I undoubtedly was one of those people that veered towards pretty stationary. When my mother use to take me shopping, I distinctly remember dragging her unwilling body to the 3rd floor of Central to imaginary curtsy the crafts section and the proceed to raid the pen and notebook cabinets. Stationary was everything to me and when you have uniball gel fineliners, you make it a point to write anything and everything down. New Year goals was one of those things.

For a solid 8 years I would attempt at making goals but something feels different this year around because 2017 happened -the year where I had just gotten married and moved to a different country. I had told myself to take the year to not work and just adjust to a new life in a different place. I was hoping that would provide me the time for intro and retrospection. I wanted to find my calling and calmness but in turn found myself in a blight and completely lost.

My goals for last year were so standard and structured, I felt as if though there was an imaginary officer checking my goals to see if it met the standards of ‘goals making’ school and if such a place existed, I would irrefutably had been kicked out because I didn’t completely fulfill any of my goals.

But something hit me nearing the end of this year – If I kept giving myself strict and structured goals I was setting myself up for consistent disappointment and therefore a lack of satisfaction.

The last couple of years have been a frenzy to say the least – getting engaged, planning a wedding then getting married. Moving countries then regularly moving between cities, getting a dog and understanding what it means to be a first time pet-owner. Trying to step out of kidulthood and into adulthood to make marriage… happen. Trying to plan my future business and also thinking about taking up blogging again. If you need a memory twitch, I use to go by www.collectivess.com but I wanted something more professional thus, www.bysneha.com (which is in the process of it’s domain transfer).  

2016 was a big year for me because things were changing. Majorly. I chose to get married to the love of my life and a lot of it went into assembling a big fat indian wedding then having the most glorious time ever. That’s all I remember from it, sadly.

2017 on the other hand started off with a high. Meet and I were on our honeymoon and came back to india feeling refreshed, completely unaware of the rollercoaster of emotions that were going to slap me in the face. My loving husband has been my favourite part of this year but to be completely honest – everything else was kind of sublunary. I imagined 2017 to be more chill and breezy where I would sow the seeds of being a ‘mumbiker/pune-ite’ and possibly have a spiritual experience while connecting to my new home but somehow I found myself lost more often than not. I recall harmoniously dancing around my goals for 2017 and nothing made me feel like a failure more then looking back realizing I didn’t really achieve any of it. It was the most frantic, aloof and defocused year of my life. It had also been the year where, for the first time ever, I felt a new level of insecurity for my body. I have always been quite slim but I did put on 4-5 kilos on top of my normal weight and this made me feel like a human embodiment of a fucking seal. Which led to me being mopey and depleted, which led to me eating trash. So, 2017 – thank you for the good bits but I bid you adieu with nothing but a middle finger. See ya never!

So, with all that being said, I am here to set intentions. Intentions to steer my path towards a bright future which will always be open to new directions and branch out to form new ideas.

I intend on being more adventurous when it comes to travelling.

I intend on maintaining relationships to the best of my capabilities and letting go of all the people that don’t add meaning to it.

I intend on having a healthy alliance with my body, mind and soul by nourishing it with constant self love.

I intend on being focus,determined and organized when it comes to my professional life.

I intend on being present and lending a helping hand whenever I can.

I intend on having time to create art once a week.

I intend on growing as a person everyday. 

Maybe you’ve delved deep into your blogosphere to find that I too like the 500000 other people have written a post about goals and will probably roll your eyes but maybe, just maybe some of you will find something in here that makes 2018 the best year yet.

Happy New Year!

Sneha

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